I just spent the weekend in a course about Desire. Like capital D, go all in, have exactly what you want, DESIRE!!
And you know what I realized sitting in that class listening to people talk about what they want and what they feel like they can or cannot have?
I realized again that our money stories have a purpose.
A purpose that I haven’t seen quite so clearly in this way.
You see I have a purpose to end financial strife. I was given this purpose in a vision a couple of years ago. It was one of those where I had been deep in meditation and then the channel with the divine opened so wide and I saw and felt what it would feel like if there were no more financial strife in the US.
And then I cried for about 30 minutes at the beauty and tenderness and possibility of never having anyone worry about money ever again. Like EVER again.
Since then I’ve been really focused on (and sometimes really resisting) my purpose.
This weekend in seeing all of the stories that I and others have, I realized that my worries about money are really clearly friendly. They are trying to do something for me.
My money worries have been trying to keep me small.
They have been trying to keep me in my comfort zone – not comfortable, but in the zone where everything is familiar. It’s really familiar to worry about money. To think about it a lot and stress about it sometimes, especially when big things come up in my life.
My money worries have been trying to keep me from making a fool of myself.
They’ve been trying to keep me from visibility and from playing a really big game which could be REALLY dangerous!
My money worries have been trying to keep me safe!
Like really safe. I’ve watched other women get slammed, get accused of things, get talked about, derided, etc. I don’t want that!
That is totally not what I want.
And I have no control over how other people are. It’s just not what’s true. The only thing I have control over is my behavior (notice I didn’t say emotions – emotions are biological processes that we cannot control).
And… I got this now.
Now I can play a bigger game. I have the support I need, I have the love and skills and desire, drive, energy and excitement (i.e. the fuel) to make this go. I’m ready!
Exercise: So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to remember the last several times you worried about money? What was happening right then? Then ask yourself what great intention does money worry or money crisis have in your life? What is it trying to do?
Exercise Part II: Then I want you to thank this part of you for doing such a great job at taking care of yourself. Really thank it! Being safe (or whatever it’s purpose) is awesome and useful! But it’s not what we need now!
Exercise Part III: Then I want you to notice all the places that you have support or good things that are different from when you started worrying about this thing. How is your life different? What are you ready for?