The other day I was sitting in front of my computer. I had been sick mostly in bed for the better part of a month.

Like most people I’ve been in the house way too much. I was  (was, ha!!!) tired of being in the house and exhausted by all the NetFlix, Prime Video, Hulu, FaceBook and even TikTok I could stand.

 So I bought some chocolate on the internet. From England. It’s Rococo and has cardamom in it. I also got the candied oranges dipped in dark chocolate. And I decided to try the new version of the cardamom chocolate called “thins.” (Those Brits, amirite?)

That was uh well like… $100? I mean I’m not sure because it was in pounds. So somewhere between like $80 and 200? Buy that felt good. But not enough good.

 Ooooh I thought, I need variety. Novelty. I just need SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!!!

 So I went to Bokksu.com – the Japanese snack box internet retailer. We used to get snacks from him. They are delicious and my son loved them. So I ordered a 3 month subscription.

 And then I was feeling a bit better and decided to go look for other boxes! Maybe a make up one? Oh what about the sustainable products one? Chocolate?

 I found a list of 42 of the best boxes and then the 12 best boxes for women… And then I took a deep breath and got up from my computer and told my sweetheart what I’d done.

 One the one hand, there is NOTHING WRONG with buying things on the internet. And there’s not even anything inherently wrong with buying subscription boxes or mindless buying. And in the time of Covid, don’t I deserve to just buy whatever I want?

 Yes, yes I do. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to find safety and calm where ever I can.

I deserve to have comfort and embrace that however it comes.

 You do too.

 AND… (there’s more!)

 For me mindless online shopping is a sign. I don’t actually need any of those things. And in terms of physical objects, I don’t *want* any of those specific things. *I* don’t want them.

 I do deserve the things I actually want. In fact I deserve far more than I can even imagine. I deserve them and I am worthy of them. And so are you.

 AND I deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel good.

I also deserve to not have to deal with all the crap I could possibly buy if I go unconscious and I just buy a lot of things from the internet.

My sweetheart is a minimalist which really helps me thin about my “stuff” choices. But this is not about him.

 This is about my tendency to run from my feelings by spending money on stuff I think I want, but will never use, from the internet when I’m tired and stressed.

 This was me running from my feelings because I’m bored in the house and I’m in the house bored. And I just don’t know what the hell to do with myself.

 For me mindless shopping isn’t an actual answer to making myself feel better.

 It feels good in the moment, but right away those good feelings turn into: worry that I’ve spent too much money (even when there’s plenty) and then I feel guilty when I look at the thing that sits in boxes for months and eventually is given away because… dun dun duuuuuun surprise! I never used it.

 I don’t want the things in the box. I want to have new, fun, cute, delicious stuff to play with, take photos of and show off. I want to put my hands on these objects and see if they would fit in my house. I want to see if those colors match my colors and see if my love wants them.

 But I don’t actually want the items themselves. One of my mentors said me: buying stuff is so often about having that stuff sit in your closet instead of theirs.

 And I’ve spent a lot of money having someone help me get rid of literal truckloads of stuff over the years. I want to have the things I love and cherish and are useful and we have space for.

 I don’t want a cluttered space that makes me sad or requires a lot of maintenance.

 Even in this time I don’t want that.

 I want to feel better.

Or at least I want to feel different.

I want to see something new and different.

I want to try a new restaurant.

I want to see my friends.

I want to go on that vacation we had to cancel.

I want to walk in the woods and not worry about illness.

I want to be free.

 We are living in a time right now where our freedom has been curtailed. And this isn’t just a perception. We cannot move about in the world because it’s dangerous. And that sucks. Big time sucks.

 It throws out all of our plans and promises, changes and destroys lives. And if we’re not terrified, we’re board AF.

 I don’t have answers for you. I can’t sum this up as one neat thing you can do that will make it all better.

 I will say two things:

• What can you do right now that will help you feel better?
• Can you go outside and get some sunlight?
• Eat?
• Sleep?
• Get off the computer/phone/device?
• Exercise?
• Reach out to a friend?
• Meditate?
• Hit pillows and scream?  Do it.

I’ve put together an offering. I want to come and get present and increase your capacity during this time. It’s by donation, so don’t worry about the money part of it.  It’s called a Money Hug.

 Do you need a money hug?

 Feeling financial pressure? 

Come get grounded and connected in community.

 We’ll gently get present to our current financial realities with space to share what’s going on and be seen and held.

 We will also do some mindset and releasing work to help you feel more grounded and confident moving forward.

 You will leave with more capacity than you came with.

 Briana is both a money coach and runs a bookkeeping firm and has a unique ability to hold both the practical and the emotional. She runs Bliss Your Money a bookkeeping firm focusing on helping women and queer owned businesses get and stay profitable through metrics and love. 

•  When: Apr 28, 2020 04:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
• Register in advance for this meeting: https://zoom.us/meeting/register/upMvc-2hqDwvIGBQ-BRpcaQoRFkLipLBHA
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